Helping Kids Find Purpose in Life: Asking the Big Questions
William Damon– senior fellow at the Hoover Institution, professor of human development at Brown University and editor in chief of The Handbook of Child Psychology–argues that our fixation on short-term goals keeps kids from doing the kind of thinking that is essential for a happy life.
He writes:
Any success in life, from the mundane to the spiritual, requires sustained effort. The more lasting and fulfilling kinds of success require a deeper reflection on the purposes that underlie the efforts. Developmentally, the proper period in life to begin such reflection is during adolescence, when a youngster begins to make choices about what kind of person to become and what kind of life to lead.
Part of the problem, according to Damon, is that kids are bombarded with the message that quick success, fame and fortune can be easily had without working towards long-term goals — or even taking the time to figure out what those goals should be. Another part is well-meaning adults:
What’s more, with the best intentions, adults in recent years have been busy talking young people out of their natural idealism and into a posture of heightened material concern. Often this is done out of a sense of fearful expedience, for the sake of helping the young person get ahead in today’s competitive marketplace. Such a stance is shaky for young people not only because it is unnatural for their period of life but also because it has no sustaining conviction of its own. It is a timid and pessimistic stance that inspires neither wholehearted effort nor lasting allegiance.
Damon’s not saying that material things aren’t necessary and important:
My intention is not to disparage material pursuits during youth or other periods of life. All people need, and enjoy, certain material possessions. As for money, it is beyond doubt key to achieving many of life’s goals. A large part of helping children learn how to pursue their dreams in a realistic way entails teaching them how to manage the financial demands of their chosen paths. But children must understand that money is a means to an end—hopefully, a noble one—rather than an end in itself.
Adolescents, Damon says, aren’t being encouraged to think about the big picture:
Short-horizon thinking cannot help a young person define a desired self-identity (What kind of person do I wish to become?), nor can it produce an inspiring purpose to dedicate oneself to (What do I want to accomplish with my life?). Such thinking can serve to get one through the moment—sometimes necessary, to be sure—but not to create the kind of forward momentum that leads to lasting satisfaction.
And refection on the big-picture questions is what leads to a good life:
Our cultural focus on short horizons no doubt stems from—or at least is accelerated by—insecurities that we face in our increasingly fast-paced global economy. We worry about the competition that we and our children are up against in seeking to provide the basic necessities of shelter, education, and health. How can we allow ourselves to get distracted by big-picture matters (and the Why question is the biggest-picture matter of all) when someone may be trying to eat our lunch right in front of us? Ironically, though, our efforts to be protectively pragmatic for the sake of our young have left them less equipped to deal with the complexities of today’s world.
Damon’s essay is an excerpt from his book The Path to Purpose: How Young People Find Their Calling in Life.
